I had been familiar with the content of the Dharma Level I DVD, I had practiced and listened to all the available options including the Asana workshops, meditation, spiritual discourses and Pranayama. I did not however really ever attempt the Dharma Level II DVD and thought now is a good of time as any to try. I put on the Dharma Level II and tried the Intermediate Asana practice and what happened over the next hour or so left me VERY worried! I still cannot get into Headstand (sirsasana-king of all poses) and this was one of the first poses after the series of sun salutations on the DVD.. here I am freaking out that I am so NOT prepared for the upcoming training. I mean, this is the ONE pose Dharma has said in a previous class I attended "if you cannot do this pose, see a physician!" ....and he continues "OR maybe a shrink!" I'm about to make an appointment with both as I'm finding myself feeling very anxious, nervous and most of all worried!
I had a minor freak-out thinking that I'm not ready, how was I going to do this? I was still experiencing some weakness in my wrists from the overuse injury and had been avoiding poses that put excessive weight or pressure into the shoulder joint. Surely with practice and strengthening I can build up to a headstand eventually. Earlier in April of 2015, I had taken a workshop with another Dharma Yoga teacher Jessica Crow, to build up the confidence and re-wire the FEAR pattern that was so ingrained in my attempts to achieve the pose. Was it purely ego that was the driving force? or was my higher self/true self tired of being subjected to fear? I think a little of both, but most of all I was determined to break the pattern. Jessica helped ease my fear and showed me a variety of ways to build up to headstand. I left there with a better understanding of just 'where' my head needed to be on the mat, what was safe, what was not and most of all...learned that I had a lot of work to do!
I found the follow-up email Jessica kindly put together for me and I began to review her tips and instruction. I took what I learned from Jessica and put it into practice. Little by little, I practiced walking my legs up the wall and was feeling the pressure on the head and neck and began getting used to it. I still was not ready for full headstand.
Like the Bhagavad Gita says above, I feel I need to offer myself some kindness and be modest or "Temperate" with myself and the journey. . It will not happen overnight, but Im feeling that my fear is slowly going away. Constant practice! Constant reassurance! Constant LOVE! and most of all a positive attitude, I have to imagine myself in the Pose!
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