Giving

Yesterday, while driving my husband to work, we saw a homeless man camped out under a tree as we entered the expressway.  I thought about him and many others on earth and especially here in Vermont because it was our first chilly night in a long time.  I thought about the harsh winters here and thought where will this person go? how will they stay warm? how do they manage to survive? How did he get there? was he mentally ill? is he getting the help he needs?  Like many of us who see homeless people, we think about them for a few minutes and then carry on with our day and forget about it.  We know its a problem throughout our city, state, country and all over the world, but we manage to go about our day. On my way to pick up my husband in the evening I thought it would be nice to go get some food and give this man something healthy and warm to eat.  We went to the local market and got some soup, picked out some bananas, apple, orange, pear and a bottle of water.  When we were getting into the car after purchasing these items my husband said to me "Don't be surprised if he doesn't want it!" I got a little mad at him for putting negative energy out there, more like disbelief as if to say "why wouldn't he?". 
We got off the expressway and pulled over, I got the bag of food and walked over to the man who was busy tying plastic around empty cans with string and had various other cans and items all around him.  I said "Hello, I brought you some food to eat"(went to leave the bag on the ground not too close to him to feel threatened or violate his camp)   I had not finished my sentence and he immediately said "NO!" while gesturing to leave, I said "there's warm soup and fresh fruit and water inside" He said"I don't want it!" gesturing again to get out of his space.   I left with a blow to the heart but at the same time, my husband was right.  As mad as I was at him for putting "negative energy" out there, he prepared me for the rejection.  My husband let me sit with this a little and then said "sometimes these people are so content with what they have, they don't want "outside" things to tempt them or desire these things" I thought about this a lot all evening.  I wasn't really upset, just surprised, but I totally understood.  I was not doing this for any sort of reward, or even a "thank you"  I genuinely wanted to help this man.
 In the Bhagavad Gita Chapeter 17 vs 20-21 says: "Charity given to a worthy person simply because it is right to give, without consideration of anything in return, at the proper time and in the proper place, is stated to be in the mode of goodness. But charity given with reluctance, with the hope of a return or in expectation of a reward, is said to be in the mode of passion."  

Lots of people give this way, only to feed their ego, to see their name on a plaque etc. this act was a small gesture but had big lessons for me. 

Later that night a knock came to our apartment door and my neighbour stood there with a plate of fresh apples and a salad in a container. She said "I had too much salad, take some and these are fresh apples"  I laughed inside thinking how magical this universe is, here I was brooding over that evenings escapade and here my neighbour is with a smile sharing her food with me.   I took the food, thanked her and smiled at the beauty of it all.  

Then, this morning my first client of the day arrived with flowers, Eggs and fresh Eggplant, cayenne peppers and a green pepper all from her garden. I again smiled and thanked her and thought again, just how magical this world is we live in.  

So, don't get down or upset if things don't turn out the way you imagined, sometimes there are lessons weaved into the experience.  We need to pay attention to these lessons and learn what our real motives are and keep a clear mind and kind heart at all times.  Show compassion to others, even if you are rejected, keep being your true self and all will be revealed to you. 

Om shanti, shanti, shanti. 

Germination

"With the Ethical Rules and a little concentration, anything is possible" ~ Sri Dharma Mittra


In February, I completed a 200HR Yoga Teacher Training at the Dharma Yoga Center in NYC.  Being in the center surrounded by like minded yogis and especially in the presence of Sri Dharma Mittra, really does "charge" your system.  Sri Dharma Mittra often speaks of the "collective consciousness" and usually says in regards to the Sun Salutations "move together like a parade." It really does make you take a look at your practise.  Are you in a rush? are you too slow? are you paying attention to the person next to you? maybe they have an injury, do you want to wait for them so they don't feel so lost? do you need to push yourself more?  All these thoughts are rushing through my head while trying to "move like a parade" and being mindful of the collective consciousness.   I remember him also saying that "like attracts like" and he went on to say, "if one person rests, one by one, those around that person also rests" and he was completely right!   I notice this contagious effect around me whenever I take a break, and keep telling myself, "get up and push yourself" to help the person next to me also decide to push themselves a little more.   

I completed all the requirements to meet the 200HR teacher training and received my certificate from Sri Dharma Mittra himself on my recent visit to NYC.  It was an honor to receive the certificate but I know the REAL work is ahead of me.  I'm still struggling with many postures, but I know it will all come with practice.  Looking around room in the Dharma Yoga Center, I saw many students at various stages of their practice and abilities.  While trying to attempt a twisting pose, I knew mentally "this is as far as I go" but looked up to see Dharma standing there and put his two fists on his hips and said "you are able to do the pose, but you must be SERIOUS about it!" He came over and helped me get into the pose and guess what? I was able to do it (with his help of course!)  This is exactly what I needed to hear! I like to joke around a lot and it is a reflection of how I go about life, not serious!  But I knew what he meant.  Yoga practice is a serious practice and I must begin to take myself and my practice seriously.   I realize now that with consistent practice and dedication, results and breakthroughs happen in my practice, but I know this is not what yoga is about.  Its not about the results, its about the effort and seriousness you put into yourself and your practice to eventually have knowledge of the true self.   Regardless of where you are in your practice, practice with heart.  So, don't do yoga to look better and become more flexible, do it for your mental well-being, physical health and also to learn more about the true self or the guru within. Do yoga as an "offering to the supreme self".   All the answers lie within, all you need to do is go there and you will see.  We are all in different stages of growth. Don't rush, don't compare, don't judge, just keep going on your own path to enlightenment and you will start to grow and blossom. 

Over the next few weeks, follow me as I begin to get more serious about my practice and see how it grows....

Training....

"Place yourself in others" - Sri Dharma Mittra

Here I am above with Sri Dharma Mittra on the last day of our Yoga Teacher Training.  I really cannot find words to describe the experience and the events over the course of the training.  I know others who might read this have taken this training at some point in their life and some who are thinking of taking the training.   I will speak of my own experiences and not give too much away for those who are still thinking of attending.

I arrived in NYC about two days before the training, having lived in NYC most of my life, it always feels like home to me.  I arrived a few days early to prepare for the training.    I have not attended many classes at the new Dharma Yoga Center location,  it still carries that same feeling I remember when I first found Dharma Yoga back in 2002/2003, the feeling of home, welcoming and warm. I attended a few classes at Dharma Yoga Center as a sort of warm up to the training, just to be sure I'm ready.  Everything felt right, all the doubts and worries I was having about not being ready, slowly melted away on my mat during the 5 Postures for Purification class, it probably DID help that it was followed by an extensive yoga nidra in Savasana, extremely relaxing and felt recharged afterwards.

Training began on Friday, February 19th at 6:45am.  Yes, it was early, beginning the day with pranayama, meditation and followed by discussion with Dharma Mittra himself, who could as for anything better?!  This day was filled with discussion, asana, lunch, meeting new yogis, meeting our mentors, and learning so much.   I felt nervous, excited, happy, glad I was doing this (finally!) and most of all it felt right!

Yamas.....

Image taken from :samopoznanie.ru 

Part of the required homework for the Dharma YTT training, we had to write about the Yamas. There are five Yamas (guidelines or ethical restraints / rules) these are  - Ahimsa (non-violence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (non-stealing), Brahmacharya (celibacy and fidelity) and Aparigraha (non coveting).  I wrote about Ahimsa because I understood what it meant in a new way.

Ahimsa in particular means "non-violence" and for a long time I understood it meaning -Not killing or being a vegetarian.  I remember reading in Light on Life by Iyengar, he wrote -  “Blood-thirsty tyrants may be vegetarians, but violence is a state of mind, not of diet.”  I'm understanding that Ahimsa is indeed "non-violence" but it is not restricted to our outward behavior or how we treat others.  Ahimsa is also non-violence in your thoughts, words and deeds or actions toward others and yourself. This can be a very difficult practice for many especially when it comes to the self and  our thoughts.  We need to understand first what it means to be non-violent in thoughts/words/actions and then apply this to ourselves, others and our daily activities.  It can be hard to break old patterns and behaviors, but with practice and constantly reminding ourselves (as Dharma Mittra says) to - "See yourself in others."  We can take each day as it comes and continue to change our behaviors. 
I've found that having a regular yoga and pranayama (breathing techniques) practice  has helped me become more of an observer of my thoughts and actions. I'm finding that rather than reacting quickly to situations or events, I have that split second of quiet before I respond.  I'm also finding I'm a little more gentle with myself.    Its almost as if Ahimsa is one of the benefits of regular yoga practice rather than a rule or guideline.  Constant practice in anything will change patterns and it needs to be consistent and done with your heart.  Try bringing the practice of Ahimsa into your life, beginning with yourself.  

Nervous...

All of a sudden, its ONE WEEK away from Dharma YTT in NYC!    I realized after I finished my training at Honest Yoga, it was best if I re-familiarize myself with Dharma's DVD's and prepare myself further for the upcoming training.
I had been familiar with the content of the Dharma Level I DVD,  I had practiced  and listened to all the available options including the Asana workshops, meditation, spiritual discourses and Pranayama. I did not however really ever attempt the Dharma Level II DVD and thought now is a good of time as any to try.  I put on the Dharma Level II and tried the Intermediate Asana practice and what happened over the next hour or so left me VERY worried!  I still cannot get into Headstand (sirsasana-king of all poses) and this was one of the first poses after the series of sun salutations on the DVD.. here I am freaking out that I am so NOT prepared for the upcoming training.  I mean, this is the ONE pose Dharma has said in a previous class I attended "if you cannot do this pose, see a physician!" ....and he continues "OR maybe a shrink!" I'm about to make an appointment with both as I'm finding myself feeling very anxious, nervous and most of all worried!

I had a minor freak-out thinking that I'm not ready, how was I going to do this?  I was still experiencing some weakness in my wrists from the overuse injury and had been avoiding poses that put excessive weight or pressure into the shoulder joint.  Surely with practice and strengthening I can build up to a headstand eventually.  Earlier in April of 2015, I had taken a workshop with another Dharma Yoga teacher Jessica Crow, to build up the confidence and re-wire the FEAR pattern that was so ingrained in my attempts to achieve the pose.  Was it purely ego that was the driving force? or was my higher self/true self tired of being subjected to fear? I think a little of both, but most of all I was determined to break the pattern.  Jessica helped ease my fear and showed me a variety of ways to build up to headstand.  I left there with a better understanding of just 'where' my head needed to be on the mat, what was safe, what was not and most of all...learned that I had a lot of work to do!
 I found the follow-up email Jessica kindly put together for me and I began to review her tips and instruction.  I took what I learned from Jessica and put it into practice.  Little by little, I practiced walking my legs up the wall and was feeling the pressure on the head and neck and began getting used to it.  I still was not ready for full headstand.

Like the Bhagavad Gita says above, I feel I need to offer myself some kindness and be modest or "Temperate" with myself and the journey. .  It will not happen overnight, but Im feeling that my fear is slowly going away.   Constant practice! Constant reassurance! Constant LOVE! and most of all a positive attitude, I have to imagine myself in the Pose!

Heart....

Image found on internet : loriandrus.wordpress.com

Always remember that Nature refuses to be rushed. She can only be made to evolve and that takes time, so take heart."  Sri Dharma Mittra

It's about the second week in January 2016.  Holidays are over.  Grief still lingers.  Winter is still here.   I'm back on the mat regularly and attending the classes at Honest Yoga.  I'm still feeling under prepared to teach my upcoming Kids Yoga Class, but I'm going to give it a shot.  I arrived at the studio, and was relieved to find Danielle there, I thought I would be on my own at least I can look for guidance or ask for help if I needed it.  Kids Yoga class lasts for about 45min with a structured beginning, sun salutations, middle can be mixed up a bit and the ending is usually the same.   What happened over the course of the next 45min was just all over the place!  I really felt like I was a comedian on stage and my act was bombing! One kid kept running out to eat snacks, the other kid wanted to play with Danielle's son.  I just didn't know what to do.  I was lost.  I just wanted to crawl under a mat and disappear!  I waited for Danielle to give me some tips/pointers about what went wrong (some right) after the class.    Her critique was good, and gave me some pointers.  I'm still not convinced that I want to teach children. 

I talked with my husband on the way home from his work that day and told him what happened.  He pretty much laughed a little at me and said, "give me a break!" and went on to reassure me that what just happened, happens to everyone, until they really learn what they are doing.  Similar to the quote above by Dharma, he was pretty much telling me to "take heart" and be patient with myself, there's that word again "Patient"!  I felt a lot better after that conversation, but still didn't feel prepared to teach until I sit in on a few more classes,  take notes,  and go over the notes from class.    I really did not have time to focus or give the Kids Yoga my full attention.  

I guess it goes back to the eye opening revelation I had earlier this year when I heard those same words about the basic poses "preparing you for the more advanced poses" you have to start somewhere and it only will evolve and improve with time.  Lets hope this is the case with the Kids Yoga! 

Consistency...

"Everything depends on your mental attitude" ~ Sri Dharma Mittra

Experiencing any loss can take a lot out of anyone, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

How each of us cope may be different.  How each of us grieve is different.  I found the days after arriving back in Vermont feeling empty, emotionally exhausted and mentally drained.    I got back to work soon after that and also realized that I had let my daily yoga practice slip, probably at the time I needed it the most.  I had come to peace with letting go and accepting death for what it is.  Its not the end.  My father's life will be remembered, he will be missed at card games, the memory of him will still be alive for years to come.

Finding myself back on the mat, still processing, realizing that even one week/10days away from the mat can almost reverse all my hard work.  Another reminder that CONSTANT practice is best!
Consistency should also exist in dietary habits.  Too much of one thing is not good, not enough of another etc, etc and so on.  Balance in flavors and a consistently fresh diet works the best for me.
The holidays were over, of course I indulged a little, maybe even a LOT!  I guess signing up for Dharma's Classes for the day after Christmas was not such a good idea after all.  I was stuffed, had some alcohol, sweets,  heavy foods and decided, maybe this was not a good time to go to class or maybe it was the BEST time, I'll never know, I decided to stay in Brooklyn.

Watching Dharma's DVD's over the years he often says "this is a basic pose, it prepares the body for the more advanced poses."  For years I had watched this DVD and heard him say this over and over.  It wasn't until earlier this year that it finally sunk in!  You need to "BE PATIENT with yourself" is what I kept hearing in my mind, but all I wanted to do was Full lotus, headstand, scorpion and all those beautiful poses you see on Instagram, often frustrated when I was unable to do them. Really?! you expected to get into those poses without working for them?! What I've learned is you really need to be PATIENT, Be CONSISTENT, and most of all Honor your own progress and journey.  I found when I relaxed into the pose and understood that nobody gets there overnight, I began to enjoy yoga with a new understanding.   I began to have a new respect for practice, for diligence and for patience (something I'm still working on).  Like Dharma says above, "Everything depends on your mental attitude" believe me, it does!